Fuck This Writer’s Block

writers-block

Writer’s block is perhaps the worst side-effect of my depression and quite possibly the best talisman for how bad my depression is at any given time. It has been proven that a common symptom of depression is losing interest in activities that bring joy and happiness to a person. This is what is happening to me.

I always try to surround myself with activities so I can keep myself occupied. I do this so I don’t become idle and let my depression and anxiety overcome me and take control. These activities can range from coloring in a coloring book to walking/hiking to reading to doing volunteer work. Writing is an activity that ebbs and flows with my mental state and I cannot count on it to be an activity to bring me joy or to occupy my time. I hate that it is such a fickle thing simply because I love to create and writing, more than any other type of art, allows me to bring imagined worlds and people to life. I love to draw but my talent for it is dwarfed by my talent to write thus writing proves to be the better of an activity, a better escape, than drawing ever could. But when writer’s block shows its contorted face, I panic and shrivel up into a withered ball and give in to it.

writers-block-2

 

Aside from the creative catharsis writing provides it is also a means of income for me. I am technically employed by the American Institute of Bisexuality to write for them. I have yet to publish an article. I sit down and try to write articles on great ideas I have in my head but as the words transcend my mind to the computer screen, the more unhappy I grow, then frustration takes over and it paralyzes me and then I’m done. I simply cannot go on. It is the most frustrating and mesmerizing thing. I have no idea how or why it happens. Furthermore, to make it even more confusing, I think about writing all the time. I have two novel-length stories I have been working on for a few years now and my input to them matters greatly on my mental state. I think about them every day, and that is not to be taken euphemistically, I really mean it when I say I think about those stories every day. I can see and hear and feel the characters and all of their emotions and their lives but I can’t get them from my brain to the computer screen. It’s such a damning feeling.

So what I am hoping for is to break this writer’s block by writing about it and giving it a middle finger and telling it to fuck off. Yes, the profanity is needed to justify how strongly I feel about it. Maybe this is the inspiration I need even though spitting out the words for this article was painful and difficult to achieve.


 

-Matthew A. Sandusky

10.4.2016

Advertisements

2 comments

  1. Paul Lamb · October 4, 2016

    Depression is a powerful seductress. I find it is easy to give in and just stop writing or doing anything but surf the net or play Solitaire. I’m never short of ideas for writing, and I have plenty of things in the works, but when the motivation isn’t there, I’m better off not even trying than to work on something and just get frustrated.
    And then the depression lifts for a day or a week, and I pick up wherever I was.

    Good luck with your efforts.

    Like

    • twelve37am · October 4, 2016

      A powerful seductress, indeed. Thanks for the support and good luck to you as well.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s